


Holtzbert Whumptober 2019

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I found the list on tumblr lol, New tags will be added when necessary, Whumptober 2019!, and fluff, and who knows what else might be added, but I'll try to do as many as possible, not sure I will be able to do them all, of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-11-09 04:57:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20847887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: I stumbled across the prompt list for Whumptober 2019 and found myself quite into several of them :) So let's collect some Holtzbert angst, fluff and whatever else comes to my brain in the next 31 days here :D





	1. Shaky Hands

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt list can be found here: https://whumptober2019.tumblr.com/post/187785964678/whumptober2019-october-approaches-and-so-does

Erin is good at taking care of others, and especially good at taking care of Holtzmann.

A lifetime of overthinking things and of worrying about too many things has had at least the positive side effect of having made her perceptive, and so, she can always and easily tell when Holtzmann needs a break, when she needs something to eat or something to drink.

Even before they get together, she takes care of Holtzmann this way; at first she tries to make her stop working, take breaks to eat and drink, but she quickly realizes how hard it is to get Holtzmann away from her projects when she’s _in the zone_, and so, she soon changes her tactics, and brings her snacks and drinks which she can consume without interrupting her work.

She even sneaks in fresh fruit on a regular basis, and when she presents it the way she does, with slices of orange and apple surrounding a bunch of Pringles, Holtzmann eats it without even realizing it, much to Abby’s astonishment, Abby has tried to make her eat healthier for years and never managed and here Erin did it within just a few weeks.

Erin is good at taking care of others, and especially good at taking care of Holtzmann… but she’s not quite as good at taking care of herself.

Part of her registers that her hands are shaking as she prepares yet another plate for Holtzmann, but she pushes the thought aside – she worries about many things, every day and often all day long, but her own health hardly ever is among them – and tells herself she can take care of her own needs later; she makes sure to arrange the fruit and Pringles properly, so that Holtzmann can easily grab them with one hand, then makes her way up to the second floor, where the engineer indeed has claimed most of the space for her lab, despite the protest which had come from Patty at first.

It’s not that Holtzmann isn’t willing to share, Erin thinks to herself as she walks up the stairs, the music the blonde is always playing when she works getting louder with every step she takes, but after one too many medium poofs, neither Abby, nor Patty want to share anymore; Erin herself does, especially since they got together, even though she’s not fond of the poofs either, but it’s worth being startled every now and then by loud noises if it means she can be close to Holtzmann all day.

Her hands are even more unsteady by the time she makes it to the top of the stairs, and so, the plate clatters more than usual when she puts it down on Holtzmann’s desk, next to her arm; Holtzmann is engrossed in her newest project though, and so, Erin is sure she hasn’t noticed as she turns away to get back to her own work.

She’s surprised when a second later, Holtzmann’s hand closes around her wrist, firm, but still gentle, and stops her from walking away.

A bit startled, Erin turns to look at her, and finds herself at the receiving end of one of Holtzmann’s more scrutinizing look; the engineer is studying her over the rim of her yellow glasses, and speaks up before Erin can ask her what she needs.

“Let me see your hands”, she says, in a rather neutral tone, but Erin can see the worry in her eyes, and for a moment, she wants to decline; she realizes though that this will only make Holtzmann worry more, and so, she does what the blonde asked after another second, and holds her hands out, willing them to stop shaking.

They don’t, not completely, but it’s not as bad as it could have been, and Erin thinks it will be small enough so Holtzmann won’t notice, and so, the blonde won’t have to worry about her, and will have time and energy to focus on her brilliant work.

“Tell me”, Holtzmann says, distracts her from her thoughts, “when was the last time _you_ ate something? Or drank something?”

“…breakfast”, Erin admits, and she doesn’t have to check her watch to know how many hours have gone by since then, and she knows that’s not healthy, especially not drinking for so long isn’t; Holtzmann does have to check her watch, and when she looks back up, she’s frowning.

“Sit”, she then more or less commands, getting up from her own seat as she talks, “and wait here. I’ll be right back.”

Erin sits without wasting time on questioning or arguing – Holtzmann doesn’t take that tone often, with none of them, but Erin knows it to be her no-nonsense tone, and so, she just complies, fidgeting though as she watches Holtzmann walk to the fireman’s pole, then vanish from sight as she slides down.

She’s not gone for long, and when she comes back, she carries a can of coke and what appears to be a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich – the kind of food and drink Erin normally avoids, but Holtzmann still looks worried, and so, she might make an exception, just this once.

“Lots of sugar in here”, Holtzmann tells her as she puts the food and drink down, “and fat, that will kick your blood sugar right back up. Dig in.”

She sits down again as well, and starts doing what she recommended for Erin, eating the snack the physicist has brought for her; and after a moment, Erin does so, too, and while she’s not sure if it’s real or if she’s imagining it, she feels much better the moment the first sips of coke and the first bites of the sandwich go down her throat.

They eat and drink in a not uncomfortable silence, until they’re both done; then, Erin clears her throat as she looks at Holtzmann, and quietly says “thank you”, the engineer beaming brightly at her in response as she reassures her there’s nothing she has to thank for her.

When Erin reaches out to grasp Holtzmann’s hand, in a silent display of her gratitude, her own hand is steady, and from how Holtzmann’s smile widens even further, it’s clear she has noticed.

Perhaps, Erin thinks to herself, she’s not good at taking care of herself… but she has Holtzmann now, and they will take care of each other, and she knows they both will be okay.


	2. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go poof. Bigger than usually.

Not long after the Ghostbusters had officially begun their business, they had learned that ghosts didn’t care much about office hours, and so, until the firehouse would be ready for the four of them to not only work there, but live there, too, they set up night shifts along to their regular work hours, always two of them spending the night at the firehouse, ready for calls and ready to head out when it was necessary.

Erin had been the one to work out the plan, and even though she secretly was keen on spending time alone with Holtzmann at the firehouse, no matter that the engineer had no idea about the crush the physicist had on her, she made sure to set the shifts up fairly; and so, she had the first night shift with Abby, followed by Patty and Holtzmann, then Abby and Patty, and finally, the first night shift with Holtzmann, something Erin had been looking forward to more than she probably should have.

She told herself to be professional, Holtzmann might be flirting with her all the time, but this didn’t mean that the engineer was actually interested in her; and the last thing they needed was awkwardness caused by Erin making a too bold move and getting rejected, the physicist not wanting to risk ruining the good thing they were building here, for a crush which might be one-sided and unrequited.

Not that she would see much of Holtzmann, anyway, she told herself as she booted up her laptop, figuring she might as well get some work done as long as the phone was quiet; the blonde had taken the time to greet her and to tell her that coffee was waiting for her in the kitchen, then had gone up to her lab at the second floor, and had been working up there since then, Erin figuring that she would stay there until hunger or thirst would send her back downstairs to the kitchen.

Perhaps, Erin thought to herself as she sat at her desk, not quite able to focus on her work, she’d find an excuse to go upstairs in a while and spend some time with the engineer; she didn’t want to make her crush obvious, but also didn’t want to make Holtzmann think she’d rather be downstairs all night and away from her, and she figured that paying her a visit at the lab could also be seen as a sign of friendship, and wouldn’t reveal her crush to the blonde.

She was still thinking about these things when the loud explosion shook the building, loud enough to make her ears ring and to send her heartrate through the roof.

For a few seconds, Erin just sat there, stunned by how loud this had been; poofs often came from the lab, ranging from tiny to medium, but it never had been this big, or this loud, and it had stunned her into shocked silence.

Then, the fire alarm went off, loud and shrill, and that tore her out of her stupor; she got up so fast that she nearly threw the chair over and rushed to the stairs, calling out for Holtzmann as she rushed upstairs, taking two at a time, her heart only beating faster when there was no response.

She could smell the smoke before she could see it, and it made her throat burn; then, as she reached the top of the stairs, she saw the black, billowing cloud, originating from the flaming mess on Holtzmann’s workbench… but she couldn’t see Holtzmann anywhere, and she felt like throwing up, eyes wide and frantic as she looked around, tried to spot the engineer.

Finally, just when she felt like panicking, her frantic gaze fell on the pair of feet near the desk she used whenever she came up here to help Holtzmann with her numbers; immediately, she rushed to where Holtzmann laid flat on her back, relieved when the blonde was stirring just as Erin reached her, the relief puffing away again though when Holtzmann’s eyes opened and Erin could see how dazed and confused she looked.

“Holtz”, she said, a bit relieved again when Holtzmann’s gaze focused on her, even though her eyes were still oddly unfocused, “Holtz, you can hear me, right? And see me?”

“Fire”, Holtzmann mumbled in response, the slur in her voice only making Erin’s fear increase; then, to her shock, the engineer began to sit up, and she quickly, but gently stopped her by placing both hands on her chest, not quite pushing her back down, but ready to do so, should it be necessary.

“Don’t move”, she added, in a strict tone, and to her relief, it worked, Holtzmann slumping back down, “I can’t see any injuries, or blood, but that doesn’t mean you’re not hurt, and I’m pretty sure you got a concussion. Stay right here, I’ll take care of the fire, and then I’ll call an ambulance.”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise, and even though she felt bad for leaving her alone, Erin hurried to get the nearest fire extinguisher, glad that they kept several of those all over the firehouse, and glad that she quickly had learned how to use them, thanks to Holtzmann’s penchant for dancing around with open fire; she risked another glance at Holtzmann, making sure the engineer was still where she had left her, then aimed the extinguisher at the burning device, fighting the urge to squeeze her eyes shut as she pushed the trigger.

There was a loud hissing sound, and for a few seconds even more smoke; then, the crackling of the flames stopped as the extinguisher foam smothered them, but still Erin kept going, just to be on the safe side, making sure the device was practically covered in foam to the point it wasn’t even visible anymore before she stopped.

Dropping the empty extinguisher, she hurried back to where Holtzmann laid, digging her phone out to call 911 on the way; her heart momentarily stopped when the engineer had her eyes closed as Erin reached her, but when she knelt down next to her and touched her hand, she opened them again, still looking dazed, but at least aware enough to have registered Erin’s touch.

“The fire’s out”, Erin let her know, earning a vaguely agreeing groaning noise, “I’m calling an ambulance now. Don’t move, alright? Just lie still, and listen to me, don’t fall asleep, even if you feel tired right now. Focus on my voice, listen to me, alright?”

“Pretty”, Holtzmann mumbled in response, and Erin blinked, not quite sure what the engineer was talking about; she glanced over her shoulder, almost expecting a ghost to be floating there, even though she wasn’t sure Holtzmann would have called a ghost pretty, but there was nothing, and she frowned when she looked back at the engineer, her frown only deepening when Holtzmann now showed a weak smile.

“You”, she then added, still sounding slurred, but keeping her gaze focused on the physicist now, “pretty. Your face. And your voice.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, feeling her cheeks heat up; then, she scolded herself for reacting like this, telling herself that Holtzmann probably had a concussion and that she couldn’t take any of what Holtzmann was saying seriously, clearing her throat before she told Holtzmann she would call 911 now.

In response, the engineer grasped her free hand, and Erin let it happen, even though it made her heart pick up speed again; she gave her best to sound calm and firm as 911 took the call and she told the woman on the other end of the line what had happened, the responder reassuring her she would send an ambulance as fast as possible.

“They’re on their way”, Erin let Holtzmann know once she had ended the call, “I’ll be right back, I’ll open the front door for them, okay?”

“Kay”, Holtzmann mumbled, and Erin squeezed her hand before she rushed downstairs to unlock the door; then, she hurried back to the second floor and opened all the windows to let the smoke out before she returned to Holtzmann, glad that the engineer was still awake by the time she made it back to her side.

“Alright”, she said, just to keep talking, to give Holtzmann something to focus on, “now we just gotta wait for them to arrive here. It’s all going to be fine, you’ll be fine, okay? Just stay awake, it’s all going to be fine.”

“Go out with me”, Holtzmann replied, catching Erin off-guard so badly that she could only stare now, her mouth literally hanging open; it took her a few moments to process what Holtzmann had said, but finally, she did so, and let out a nervous laugh, shaking her head as her cheeks flushed again.

“You don’t know what you’re saying”, she claimed, skilfully ignoring that Holtzmann looked much less dazed at this point, “you hit your head, you’re concussed.”

“I know what I’m saying”, Holtzmann gave back at once, grasping the physicist’s hand again, “and I know how wrong this could have gone. I don’t want to waste any more time. Go out with me.”

“…alright”, Erin replied, earning a weak, but genuinely happy smile from the engineer, “once you’ve been to the hospital, and we know you’re alright, I’ll go out with you. But only if you stay awake for me now. Deal?”

“Deal”, Holtzmann mumbled, Erin smiling at her as she squeezed her hand; she wondered if this would turn out to have been concussed ramblings after all, and that the date never would happen… but somehow, she doubted that this was how it would turn out, and all at once, she couldn’t wait to see where this would lead.

She was oddly glad now that Holtzmann had caused this large poof.


	3. Delirium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of injury and blood in this chapter.

“This”, Holtzmann declared, “is the anti possession belt. It will generate a field of anti-ghost-energy around us, no worries, not radioactive or in dangerous in any other way, not even visible, and this field will stop ghosts from possessing us. So we don’t have another Rowan situation.”

“How do we know if it works?” Erin wanted to know, picking on of the harmless looking belt buckles up and turning it this way and that; to her dismay, Holtzmann just shrugged, then grinned, leaning back in her chair comfortably as she put her hands behind her head.

“We don’t”, she then lightly said, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow, “not until we go to our next bust and can test it. Unless you want to free a ghost from the containment unit and test it with that.”

“No”, Erin, Abby and Patty said at once, in perfect unison; and even though she had known this reaction would come, Holtzmann pouted, then sighed and shrugged, leaning forward again so she could hand out the belt buckles.

“Next bust it is then”, she said, “buckle these babies on, and when the ghost appears, push the button in the middle. Not before it appears, mind you, it can’t generate energy indefinitely yet, if it could, I’d sell that idea and get rich.”

“Or get shot by the oil lobby”, Abby commented, shrugging at the look Erin shot her; the physicist looked at her strictly for another moment, then glanced at the belt buckle again before her gaze came up to meet Holtzmann’s, her words making the engineer smile immediately.

“This is amazing, and I’m sure it’ll work, sweetheart”, Erin told her, Holtzmann’s smile widening into a happy grin at the pet name – they had been dating for a while now, but she still grinned like a fool each time Erin used a pet name for her, “because everything you make works.”

“Most things”, Holtzmann corrected her, “remember the proton Gatling gun? That didn’t work so well.”

Erin just shrugged, and before she could say or do anything else, the phone downstairs rang, followed by Kevin calling out to them a minute later that there was a ghost on the loose; Holtzmann pumped her fist as she got up from her chair, happy that the belt buckles would be tested so quickly, and they all hurried to change into the coveralls and put the buckles on, as eager to get them tested as Holtzmann herself was.

* * *

As it turned out, the bust was perfect to test the new belt buckles, as the ghost seemed quite keen on possessing someone; it tried Abby first, but got repelled by the buckle, causing Abby to grumble about why the ghosts always wanted to possess her, then it tried Patty, the historian’s buckle working just as well as Abby’s.

The ghost moved on from Patty to Erin, then seemingly gave up as it couldn’t possess the physicist either; it turned out to be quite good at avoiding their proton streams for a while, Erin noted as she fired yet again, trying to trap it, but finally, they got the ghost caught in the streams, and managed to force it into the trap.

“Good job guys”, Holtzmann complimented them, and Erin smiled at her from the passenger seat; Holtzmann smiled back at her from behind the work bench, putting the screwdriver down before she went up to Erin to kiss her, and the screwdriver was in her hand now, even though she had no idea how it had gotten there.

Confused, Erin put it down, not quite sure why she had picked it up in the first place; she blinked, and suddenly there was blood on the tool, and as she turned, she saw Holtzmann on the ground, curled up with her hand pressed against her stomach, blood seeping out from between her fingers.

She cried out in shock, her hand coming up to cover her mouth, and saw that blood was on her fingers, too; she wasn’t hurt though, she felt no pain, and now she knew what had happened, that she had been the one to do this to Holtzmann.

Crying out again, Erin took a step forward, wanting to make it better, to make it right, and she ended up flat on her back on the couch, with a perfectly fine Holtzmann bending over her, her lips moving as she was speaking, but Erin couldn’t hear a thing she was saying.

She tried to sit up, and found herself back at the lab, standing in front of the containment unit; her hands moved without her having anything to do with it, towards the buttons and levers which would open the unit and let out all the ghosts, and she didn’t want to do it, but couldn’t stop herself.

Strong arms wrapped around her from behind and pulled her away from the containment unit, and Holtzmann was talking to her again, but her words made on sense, just garbled nonsense, and a short while later, Erin was cowering in the corner, rocking back and forth as she cried, a fear so deep filling her that it consumed everything, made her heart race and her hands shaky, even though she had no idea where it was coming from.

She felt the arms wrap around her again, and even though she still was scared, this soothed her; and so, she clung to the person holding her, and felt tender hands rub her back, and she drifted off into sleep, the fear fading away as darkness took her.

* * *

When Erin opened her eyes again, she found herself on the bed of the room she shared with Holtzmann at the firehouse; she was in her pyjama, and covered with the blanket, and that made her feel quite hot, so she pushed the blanket aside, feeling slightly better when it wasn’t covering her anymore.

For a minute, she just laid there, breathing deeply; she figured she had slept before, but felt tired and drained, and there were unsettling holes in her memory, but she did remember bits and pieces, flashes which only confused her more. 

She remembered that she had stabbed Holtzmann with the screwdriver, but that she had seen the engineer perfectly fine later, and she found herself wondering what had been real and what had been caused by whatever it had been which had made her act and feel like this.

Part of her was afraid to find out, because she knew she would never forgive herself if she truly had hurt Holtzmann, but she knew that sooner or later, she’d have to face it, and so, she slowly sat up, grimacing when the movement made her head swim.

Worried that getting out of bed would only make it worse, Erin sat still for a while, breathing slowly and deeply, until the dizziness stopped; and just when she wanted to try getting up, the door opened and Holtzmann poked her head into the room, the relief at seeing her perfectly fine nearly making Erin dizzy again.

“Hey”, the engineer said, smiling, but appearing a bit cautious, too, “how are you feeling?”

“Tired”, Erin mumbled, Holtzmann moving over to the bed and prompting the physicist to forget about getting out of bed for the moment, “what… Holtzmann, what happened? Was I… sick?”

“Sort of”, Holtzmann told her, sitting down on the edge of the bed and grasping her hand, “turns out the belt buckle didn’t work… not fully. You didn’t get possessed all the way, like Rowan did with Abby, but… part of the ghost managed to take hold, and messed things up for quite a bit. You were like in a delirium, you know, and it took us a bit to figure out what was going on."

“Oh”, Erin let out, her gaze briefly dropping to Holtzmann’s stomach before it came back up to meet the blonde’s eyes, “okay, so… you managed to get that part out then? And… I didn’t… damage anything? Or hurt anyone?”

“You didn’t do anything bad”, Holtzmann replied, Erin noticing that she was skilfully avoiding her actual question, “that was the ghost. Well, the part of the ghost. But no worries, we got it all out of you, so it’s fine.”

“You didn’t answer me”, Erin quietly gave back, taking note of how Holtzmann suddenly found it hard to look her in the eye any longer, “Holtz? Tell me. Please.”

“I did”, the engineer claimed, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow, “_you _didn’t do anything. The ghost, on the other hand…”

“It hurt you, didn’t it”, Erin said, her heart clenching up at the way Holtzmann just shrugged, confirming more than she perhaps was aware of, “how… how badly… Holtz?”

“Not bad”, the younger woman sighed, at last looking up again, Erin not quite sure if she should feel relieved or bad about what had happened, “it mostly caught me by surprise, even though we already knew something weird was going on. Honestly, it was just a scratch, it’ll be healed soon.”

Erin remembered then how much blood she had seen on the screwdriver, and on her hands, and wondered if the blonde was telling her the truth; Holtzmann didn’t look as if she was in pain though, and she figured she could drop it for now, until she would feel better herself, still feeling tired and drained.

“Everything is fine now”, Holtzmann told her again, gently pushing her back down so she ended up flat on her back, “and you should get some more sleep now. You look as if you’re about to drift off any moment again, anyway, that ghost really took a lot out of you.”

“Can you stay with me?” Erin mumbled, barely above a whisper now, “please…?”

“Of course”, Holtzmann gave back at once, making the redhead feel relieved again; part of her had been worried that Holtzmann might want to stay away from her now, after what had happened, but clearly, the engineer had meant it when she had said it had been the ghost and not Erin, and didn’t blame her for what had happened.

She smiled weakly as Holtzmann got into bed next to her, then pulled her into a tender embrace; resting her head on the engineer’s shoulder, she let out a small sigh as she felt Holtzmann rub her back, and focused on how good this felt until she drifted off into sleep again.

Bad things had happened while she had been in her delirious state, Erin knew now, even if she wasn’t sure yet how bad they exactly had been; she also knew now though that nobody blamed her for what had happened, and that everything would be okay, and this knowledge let her rest easy, allowing her body to recover as she knew that everything would be fine.


	4. Human Shield

The very second the car had come to a halt in the garage, Erin pushed the passenger side door open and got out as fast as it was humanly possible; she stormed out of the garage and upstairs to the bathroom without hesitating a second, not looking back at the car once.

“No”, Abby strictly said when Holtzmann looked as if she wanted to follow her, “let her wash this off first. If you go after her now, you guys will only end up fighting.”

“But I have to apologize to her”, Holtzmann almost whined, with an unhappy look towards the stairs, “if I wait and don’t do it right away, it’ll only make her angrier!”

“Trust me”, Abby gave back, shaking her head for emphasis, “I know her better than you do, dating or not. Let her wash the goo off first, and then, when she’s clean and a bit calmer, go apologize.”

Holtzmann still looked doubtful, but nodded after a moment, even though she felt worse with every minute which ticked by; still she made herself wait until she heard the sound of running water from upstairs stop – and it disconcerted her how long this took, she knew that slime was hard to wash off, from the one time she had gotten slimed, but still it seemed to take much longer than it should have for Erin to get rid of it.

Finally, the running water stopped, but Holtzmann didn’t go upstairs yet, knowing that this didn’t mean Erin was done and ready to listen to her; and so, she made herself wait another ten minutes, then finally did go upstairs, finding Erin at her desk there, in the comfortable MIT hoodie Holtzmann had offered to her many months ago – after the first time she had gotten slimed, the engineer remembered – and loose sweatpants, having leaned back in her chair and staring at one of the science journals she had subscribed for, not appearing as if she was reading it though.

“Um, hey”, Holtzmann said, figuring that this was a good start; apparently, she was wrong though as Erin looked up and glared at her, the shower clearly not having helped her to calm her down, despite Abby’s reassurances.

“I’m sorry”, she thus hurriedly added, fighting the urge to reach up and play with her pendant, “I really shouldn’t have… done that.”

“Yes”, Erin coldly replied, tossing the magazine onto her desk without breaking eye contact with the engineer, “you really shouldn’t have. Maybe you can explain why you felt the need to do it? Why did you use me as a human shield against that ghost spewing slime, Holtzmann?”

“Um”, Holtzmann let out, then fell quiet again, her heart plummeting all the way to her stomach when she realized how upset Erin exactly was; they hadn’t had a serious argument in their relationship before, only a few harmless discussions, and up until this point, Holtzmann had been oddly sure that they never would have a real argument, feeling like throwing up when she realized that she had been wrong – and that their first argument would be solely her fault, due to what she had done during the bust.

Erin gave her another ten seconds, then apparently decided she had waited long enough; she got up from her seat, glaring at Holtzmann again, the engineer fighting the urge to shrink back from her angry gaze, not able to blame her for being angry.

“It’s not like it doesn’t happen to me all the time, right”, Erin said, the sarcasm in her voice cutting deeper than she perhaps was aware of, “so what’s one more time? If it means you can avoid it. Well, it worked, congrats, you got off slime-free while I got slimed from head to toe. Again.”

“Sorry”, Holtzmann mumbled, now finding it hard to look at her girlfriend; thanks to this, she missed yet another glare Erin sent her way, but from the corner of her eye, she did see that the physicist was turning to walk off, and suddenly, she knew that she had to say something to make this better, or that this whole mess would become even bigger if she’d keep silent now.

“When I got slimed two weeks ago I threw up in the shower and cried”, she blurted out, and Erin froze; Holtzmann briefly glanced up at her, then down at her feet again, finding her boots very interesting all at once, the small speck of slime on the right boot keeping her eyes occupied as she spoke up again.

“I know it’s bad for you and that you get slimed all the time even without my help and I feel bad for doing this to you I really do”, she rushed out, her stilted tone one Erin was all too familiar with, the physicist’s heart clenching up as she realized that this time, she had been the one to cause it, something which never had happened before, not like this, “and I’m really sorry but… I couldn’t get slimed again, I just couldn’t. It was so bad, I don’t know how you can just take it like that, it’s just… I couldn’t. I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Holtz”, Erin let out, somewhat startled, not having expected this at all, “you… I had no idea.”

“Of course not”, Holtzmann mumbled, still studying her boot intensely, “I made sure none of you noticed. I’m a Ghostbuster, so I can’t get freaked out by slime, you guys would have… I don’t know, asked me if I’m serious, or maybe if I shouldn’t get another job or…”

“Holtz!” Erin sounded shocked now, and hurt, finally making Holtzmann look up at her again, “how can you even think that? We never would say that too! Come on, slime is gross, if I had known it was so bad for you, I never would have said a thing when you hid behind me. Heck, I would have jumped in front of you! I love you, and I don’t want to see you upset, and if I had known this, I never would have said anything, I’m sorry.”

“You couldn’t know”, Holtzmann gave back, shrugging, “cause I made sure you wouldn’t notice. And I’m really sorry, I promise I will never do it again.”

“Never mind that”, Erin told her at once, moving closer she could hug her, “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, I’m sorry. You can use me as your human shield any time, alright?”

At this, Holtzmann managed a weak smile, to Erin’s relief; the physicist smiled back at her, then kissed her gently before she simply held her close, quietly reassuring her that everything was alright, that they were fine and that everything was fine, and that she wasn’t judging Holtzmann for what the engineer had revealed, giving the blonde exactly what she needed.


	5. Stab Wound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouchies and blood in this one again... Sorry ^^;

Erin had never been bothered by blood.

Not that she had seen much of it, during her time at Columbia, but there had been a few instances, students who had gotten hurt in accidents, ranging from small to big, or students who had gotten hurt in fights – those had happened rarely, but they had happened, one time right in her class, and she had been too slow to stop it, too startled by people at a university like Columbia acting like this.

One of them had landed a lucky hit, she remembered, and had broken his rival’s nose; there had been blood then, and quite a lot of it, too, but it hadn’t bothered her, she had been slightly miffed at the most, and certainly not as disgusted or freaked out as some of her colleagues had been, when they had come to see what the ruckus in her lecture hall was all about.

The blood hadn’t bothered her back then, it never had, and it didn’t bother now.

Perhaps, she thought to herself as she sat there, feeling oddly detached, it should have bothered her, considering it was slowly seeping through between her fingers, where she had her hands pressed onto the wound.

Holtzmann’s hands were on top of hers, Erin realized, a bit belatedly, and there was blood on the engineer’s fingers too; she wondered if it was Holtzmann’s, if Holtz had gotten hurt too, or if it was her own, and she wondered how she could think about this with such rationality.

Perhaps, she thought to herself, it was easier because she felt now pain; she could tell that it was bad, from the location of the wound and from the still rather intense flow of blood, but it didn’t hurt.

Only when Erin looked up and saw the raw panic on Holtzmann’s face, she realized that the lack of pain might be a bad thing.

“Erin, come on”, the engineer said, still keeping her hands on the wound, feeling fresh blood hot and sticky on her fingers, “come on, stay with me. Don’t faint, okay? The ambulance is on the way, just stay with me. Don’t faint, okay? Alright?”

“S’okay”, Erin mumbled, part of her registering how weak her voice sounded, and as if it was coming from far away, but she couldn’t find it within herself to worry, too tired suddenly to worry, “it barely hurts. I’ll be fine.”

She managed a small smile, then her eyelids grew too heavy to let her keep her eyes open anymore; she heard Holtzmann talk to her, frantically and sounding as if she was close to panic, but she couldn’t quite make out the words, and after a while, Holtzmann’s voice faded into white background noise, and then, she heard nothing at all anymore and there was darkness.

* * *

Holtzmann had never been bothered by blood.

It would be bad if she had been, with how often she cut herself here and there on her projects; they had sharp edges more often than not, and she was careless more often than not, already during her first week at the lab, back when Dr Gorin had been begun mentoring her, she had used up all of the bandages in the lab’s first aid kit.

Others had cut themselves too, less than she had, but it had happened; and it hadn’t bothered her when it had been the blood of someone else, either, not the tiniest bit, not even when one of the other students had managed to slice his whole palm open and had bled all over the place.

The guy back then had bled a lot, she remembered, but that was nothing to the amount which had poured out of Erin after the ghost had rammed his equally ghostly knife into her body.

The knife had vanished the second the apparition had let go of it, and that had only made it worse, the flow of blood having increased at once; Holtzmann had tried to slow it down by pressing her hands onto it, but it hadn’t done much good, she knew, and she also knew she would never forget how her hands had looked, drenched in Erin’s blood.

Her hands were clean now, she had washed them thoroughly at the hospital, once Erin had been taken away to the emergency room; there was still some left, Holtzmann saw though, dried beneath her fingernails, and it made her stomach turn, more than the sight of blood ever had before.

At least, there was no blood on Erin now, Holtzmann told herself as she tore her gaze from her own hands and looked at Erin again; the physicist was out cold, lying motionless in the hospital bed, hooked up to a machine which monitored her heartrate, the steady slow beeps a regular reminder for Holtzmann that the redhead was still alive.

_She’s gonna be fine, _Holtzmann reminded herself, not taking her eyes off of Erin’s pale, still face, even for a second, the blood still on her hands forgotten, _remember, the doctor said so, she’ll be fine._

She took in a slow, controlled breath, remembering her panic when Erin had passed out back at the bust; and she remembered something else, how she had blurted out “I love you” when she had tried to stop Erin from falling unconscious.

She didn’t think Erin would remember once she’d wake, and the thought hurt… but at least, Erin was alive, and would be okay, and Holtzmann told herself she could deal with her own pain as long as Erin would be okay.

She told herself that it didn’t matter if Erin that she loved her or not, as long as Erin would be okay… and perhaps, if she’d tell this to herself often enough, she might even start to believe it.


	6. Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of chapter 5. Perhaps less angsty than it should have been for this prompt list, but oh well... ;)

“Okay, careful now, don’t overdo it, you’re still healing”, Holtzmann warned as she helped Erin sit up in the hospital bed, worry written all over her face, her concern touching the physicist, “you got like fifteen stitches, we don’t want any of those to open up again, do we?”  
  
“Well, no”, Erin gave back, grimacing a bit as she felt the pull at said stitches when she moved into a more or less upright positon, “it’s only been twelve though. Not fifteen.”  
  
“Only twelve, she says”, Abby commented, shaking her head, Patty raising an eyebrow as well, “twelve is still twelve too many, Erin.”

“It’s not like I let that ghost stab me on purpose”, Erin defended herself, making a face again, not from the pull at her stitches though, but because of the accusatory look Abby had given her when she had spoken of only twelve stitches, “trust me, Abby, I would have preferred it too if the ghost hadn’t. It still hurts.”

“Not surprised it does, baby”, Patty said, mimicking Abby as she shook her head as well, “that ghost got you good. Doctor said you were still lucky though, with no vital organs getting hit.”

“Yay”, Erin gave back a bit sarcastically, making Patty and Abby shake their head again, in perfect unison this time; then, Abby claimed that she was thirsty and that she’d get something to drink, Patty immediately hopping up from her seat as well, telling the researcher she’d go with her.

This seemed a bit odd to Holtzmann, but she didn’t question it; and she didn’t have to declare that she would stay with Erin, the other two apparently having expected that as they left without another word, the door gently closing behind them, leaving Erin and Holtzmann behind.

“Um”, Erin broke the silence, making Holtzmann look from the door and at her, “so… I still got to thank you. For… trying to stop the bleeding and for keeping me awake until the ambulance arrived. This might have ended worse if you hadn’t done all that.”

“I didn’t do such a great job keeping you awake though”, Holtzmann pointed out, with a slight grimace, “you passed out before the ambulance arrived. And the doctor said you’d lost a lot of blood.”

She remembered what she had said before Erin had passed out, how she had blurted out that she loved her; she was fairly certain Erin didn’t remember though, figuring that the physicist would have said something by now if she had, and she had resigned herself to the fact that her confession had been for nothing, that it had been drowned out by shock and pain and the oncoming darkness of unconsciousness.

“Still”, Erin gave back, with a little shrug, even though that let her feel the pull of the stitches again, “if it hadn’t been for you, it would have been worse. You kept me awake as long as you could, and that helped, I know it did.”

Holtzmann smiled wryly and shrugged, not quite sure what else to respond; she also wasn’t sure where this was going, but apparently, Erin wasn’t done yet, clearing her throat, her cheeks colouring as she began fidgeting with her fingers, something she always did when she was nervous or uncomfortable or both.

“I heard”, she blurted out, Holtzmann going very still as all at once, she knew where this was going, and she wasn’t sure she’d like the outcome, with how nervous Erin looked now, certainly, she was nervous because she wanted to reject Holtzmann and wasn’t sure how the engineer would react, “what… what you said. Before I passed out. You told me loved me.”

For a second, Holtzmann was tempted to deny it, to claim that Erin must have been hallucinating, to blame it on the shock or the blood loss; then, she pushed this impulse aside, telling herself she couldn’t do this and that Erin deserved it that she’d be honest, and so, she just nodded, her gaze dropping down to her shoes as she found it hard to look the physicist in the face any longer.

“Holtz”, Erin said after the engineer just had stared at her shoes for a while, the tender sound of her voice not quite expected by the younger woman, “please look at me.”

It was hard to do as Erin had asked, harder than it should have been; somehow, Holtzmann managed though, raising her gaze until it met Erin’s, and she felt a bit less bad when there was no annoyance or dismay visible in the redhead’s eyes.

“I still gotta stay in here for a while”, Erin said once they had made eye contact, “but… once I can go home… I’d like to go out with you. On a date. If you want to.”

“Of course I want to”, Holtzmann blurted out at once, barely able to believe her luck, “you didn’t really think I’d say no, did you? I mean, uh, I’d been sure you hadn’t heard what I said, or that you wouldn’t remember, and when you said you did I thought you’d let me down now and…”

She realized that she was rambling and made herself shut up, feeling her cheeks flush; part of her registered with some amusement that their roles had been reversed now, that she was blushing while Erin was smiling, and she was fairly certain that Erin had realized that too, her smile widening bit as she took in Holtzmann’s reddened cheeks.

“Okay”, the physicist said, reaching over to grasp Holtzmann’s hand, ignoring the pull of her stitches this time, “it’s a date, then. Once I am out of here.”

“Once you are out of here”, Holtzmann agreed, squeezing her hand; Erin smiled at her, eyes sparkling with joy, and Holtzmann smiled back at her, feeling better than she had in days, knowing now for sure that everything would be alright.


	7. Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, these all end up getting longer than planned, lol. Sorry?

Even when she’s among people at Columbia, Erin feels isolated.

She’s standing in the professor’s lounge, a large room furnished with coffee machines, tables and comfortable seats, and feels like she’s invisible; people are talking here and there, discussing their classes and problematic students, but nobody is talking to her.

When she just had started working there, Erin had been sure that this was normal at the beginning, that this would change once she’d been there for longer; now though, after almost six months of teaching there, she’s been forced to realize that nothing is changing, that she is still isolated from her colleagues.

She’s tried to get to know some of them, and make herself known to them; the interactions have been mostly awkward though, painfully reminding her of her inadequacies when it comes to social interaction, and after a few failed tries, Erin has given up on trying to get her colleagues to know her.

Perhaps, she reflects as she gets some coffee, this would be easier to bear if she’d had some friends outside of work; she doesn’t though, the only regular social contacts she has are the barista at the café where she gets her breakfast each morning, and the cashiers at the supermarket close to her apartment, she’s never been good at making friends, and she has no idea where to start.

So, she’s resigned herself to a quiet, lonely life, and tells herself that it’s okay, that she’s happy with how things are… until the man named Ed Mulgrave shows up at her lecture hall, and her life is turned completely upside down.

A lot happens after Mulgrave has shown up at her work, and for a while, she’s too busy with saving the city, or perhaps the world, to worry about how things will be afterwards; at some point, it’s over though, they have finished the move to the firehouse and are settling into a daily routine, and soon, Erin finds herself wondering if she’ll end up being isolated again, if Abby, Patty and Holtzmann will end up not registering her anymore, like her colleagues at Columbia did.

It wouldn’t be surprising, she thinks to herself as she sits at her desk, going over some calculations Holtzmann asked her to check, claiming Erin is better at this sort of math than she herself is, if she’d end up as the invisible one again; she’s not outgoing like Patty, doesn’t have Abby’s sharp wit and isn’t eccentric like Holtzmann, she’s uptight and quiet and a bit neurotic, and so, she figures it would only be normal for her to end up in the background again, just like at Columbia.

Part of her wonders if thinking like this was unfair towards the other three, but she can’t help herself; it has happened to her too often, and too regularly, so she pretty much expects it to happen again.

And she won’t even be able to blame the others, she thinks to herself; she just tends to be quiet, and keep to herself, she’s always been an introvert, and she has no idea how to change this, isn’t even sure it would be possible if she wanted to.

She holds back as a sigh as she stares at the numbers in front of her – Holtzmann has claimed that she needs Erin’s help for this, but Erin isn’t sure this is exactly true, part of her suspecting that Holtzmann just feels bad for her and wants to give her something to do, and she’s not quite sure if she should feel flattered by the attention or insulted by the pity.

“Hey hot stuff”, Holtzmann’s voice distracts her from these thoughts, as if she has summoned her by thinking about her, Erin thinks to herself a bit crazily, “ooh, are those my numbers? Awesome.”

“I’ll be done soon”, Erin promises her, managing a smile even though she still wonders if Holtzmann really needed her to do that or if the engineer just wanted to be nice when she asked her, “I promise. It looks good so far though, I couldn’t find any mistakes.”

“Yet”, Holtzmann corrects her, grinning a bit when Erin raises an eyebrow, “I’m good at building things, and most of the time, I’m good at doing the math for those things, but sometimes, my mind… wanders.”

“Oh”, Erin lets out, not sure if she should be worried about this or not, “well… I’ll finish checking those then, as soon as possible.”

“Thanks a bunch”, Holtzmann replies, to Erin’s amusement bowing to her; she smiles at the engineer, feeling a bit better about her worries now as she watches Holtzmann make her way back to the stairs leading up to her lab, not so convinced anymore now that soon, she will be invisible again.

* * *

As it turns out, Erin does not end up isolated from the other three, as she at first feared; when she mostly sits and listens to the others talk at first, all three of them constantly ask her for her opinion, make sure she is part of the conversation, and that she has a chance to voice what she thinks.

This is a new experience for her, after years during which she mostly has been a quiet observer while others have been speaking; it takes her a while to get used to it, and she wonders if the others notice, if they realize how new all of this is for her and if they think her strange because of it.

If they do, they all are kind enough to not say anything, at least not when Erin is within earshot; and she somehow doubts they are talking behind her back, they seem too genuinely honest and fond of her to do this.

Part of her wants to ask if they have noticed, but another, bigger part of her worries about what the answer might be – _yes, we did, yes, we think it’s weird, yes, you should really work on that, Erin – _and so, she doesn’t ask… and it turns she doesn’t have to, as it is brought up by someone else.

Said someone else is Holtzmann, when it’s just Erin and her at the lab; Abby and Patty have gone home a short time earlier, but Holtzmann has stayed, claiming she wants to finish this project, and Erin still has some calculations to work on, and so, it’s just the two of them now, working quietly up in Holtzmann’s lab, until Holtzmann speaks up and breaks the not uncomfortable silence.

“So, Erin”, she says, making the physicist look up from her numbers and at her, “not to be rude or anything, but I’ve noticed you’re quite quiet unless we ask you for your opinion. And I kinda want to know why, did we do anything or…?”

“No”, Erin reassures her immediately, feeling her cheeks flush as she’s used to being asked something so personally so directly even less than to being made part of the conversation, “it’s not you, any of you I mean. I’m… um… just not very used to being… included like this. I’ve never been good at the whole… social thing, not like Abby, Patty, and you.”

“Ha”, Holtzmann lets out in response, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow as she’s not quite sure what this voice means, if Holtzmann is laughing at her now or if there is another reason for this reaction; she doesn’t have to ask though, as Holtzmann speaks on a moment later, still an amused twinkle in her eyes.

“Me? Good at the whole social thing? You have met me, right”, she says, making Erin smile again, “most people think I’m crazy when they meet me, I wouldn’t call that _good at the whole social thing_.”

“Well, yes”, Erin replies, remembering that she also has thought Holtzmann was crazy when she had first met her, what with all the dancing with blow torches and stuff, “but you’re still better at it than I am.”

“I wasn’t always”, Holtzmann admits quite freely, earning a surprised look from Erin – she finds it hard to imagine Holtzmann as anything else than the confident woman she has gotten to know, a person comfortable in her own skin and not caring what others think of her, “when I was at university, before Dr Gorin started mentoring me, I was… quite different.”

Now Erin is curious, but she’s too polite to outright ask; thankfully though, Holtzmann reads the questioning look on her face correctly, and smiles a bit, toying with her screwdriver as she continues.

“Well, I was the only girl in nuclear engineering”, she lets Erin know, not really surprising her – she hasn’t been the only girl at her university, but there’d only been two other girls, and she never had managed to hit it off with any of them, “actually, that was the time I started going by Holtzmann instead of my first name, figuring it would make me seem a bit less girly and thus less frightening to the guys. It didn’t quite work though, so until Dr Gorin started mentoring me, I was quite… lonely. And isolated.”

Hearing this surprises Erin, she can imagine many things, but not a lonely, isolated Holtzmann; then, she thinks back to the toast the engineer has made, after they’ve saved the city, and remembers what Holtzmann has said about having friends, and all at once, her heart clenches up as she realizes she’s not the only one in this team who has been alone.

“I was lucky Dr Gorin took me under wing”, Holtzmann continues, making Erin smile and nod again – she has met Dr Gorin, and has found her quite intimidating, but she can tell that Holtzmann admires the woman, and that Dr Gorin is fond of the engineer, as well, and she’s glad her friend has someone like that in her life, “I might have thrown the towel if it hadn’t been for her, I was quite unhappy. And look where it led! Here we are now, four badass, ass-kicking Ghostbusters.”

“Yes”, Erin agrees, smiling as she reaches over the desk to briefly touch Holtzmann’s hand, making the blonde beam at her, “here we are now. And none of us has to be lonely ever again.”

Holtzmann nods, and squeezes her hand, and as she does so, Erin believes her own words with all her heart, and truly knows that none of them will ever feel lonely and isolated again.


	8. Don't Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major character death in this one :-/ I'm sorry...

_All the love that you gave me_  
_Burns in the heart soon to fail me_  
_ We were soulmates, we were one_  
_ And I cannot believe it_  
_ Cause we were one until we’re done_  
_ Soon to be gone_  
  
**Bloodred Hourglass – Memento Mori**

Holtzmann’s chest hurt.

That shouldn’t come as a surprise, considering what had happened to her minutes ago; still she found it hard to focus on anything but the pain, on how it hurt when she pulled in a breath and how it hurt when she let a breath out, how everything hurt, even though she was just lying there.

“Holtz, oh my God, Holtz”, she heard Erin say, and she turned her head to look at the redhead; Erin had fallen to her knees next to her, and Holtzmann saw that she was crying, tears streaming down her face as she stared at her, horrified and shocked.

Almost automatically, she wanted to reach out, wanted to touch Erin, wanted to make her feel better; and almost immediately, Erin grasped her hand, and shook her head, a hint of panic in her voice now when she spoke up.

“No, sweetheart, don’t, don’t move”, she said, keeping a tender hold of Holtzmann’s hand, and not just to make sure she wouldn’t try to move again, “the ambulance is on the way, just hold on until then, alright? You’ll be fine, I promise you’ll be fine.”

“Don’t think so”, Holtzmann mumbled, and she could feel blood trickle from the corners of her mouth as she talked, as if to silently confirm what she just had said, and Erin let out a strangled sob, betraying herself, letting Holtzmann realize that Erin was well aware of how bad this was.

“No, you can’t”, Erin brought out, tears still streaming down her face, “Holtz, you can’t… please…”

She felt her own heart burn when Holtzmann let out a shuddering breath in response, the engineer barely finding the strength anymore to pull air into her lungs, let alone talk or move; and suddenly Erin found herself wondering if Holtzmann could even feel her holding her hand anymore, only one more dark thought added to the ones running through her mind.

She could feel Holtzmann’s hand go slack in hers, and realized that there might not be much time left.

“I love you”, she brought out, blinking frantically as tears were still blurring her sight, and she didn’t want to see Holtzmann as just a blur, she wanted to see every detail, commit it to her memory forever, “I love you, Holtz, you’re my everything…”

“Love you, too”, Holtzmann managed, her voice barely above a whisper now; she was fading fast now, her breathing becoming harsher and harsher, but at least, the pain was going away, fading along with the rest of her, the world greying at the edges more and more with every second ticking by.

She still was aware enough to feel Erin’s grasp on her hand tighten, the physicist well aware of what was happening; and she focused on that, on Erin’s fingers around hers, knowing this was the last time she would feel this.

She felt Erin’s other hand on her cheek a moment later, then the physicist bent over her and kissed her tenderly, Holtzmann using all the willpower she had left to focus on this now, on how it felt to have Erin’s lips on hers.

Erin kept kissing her, trying to put all she felt and couldn’t say into this kiss, tried to tell her how much she loved her and that she would never love another the way she loved Holtzmann; as she kissed her, she felt the engineer’s warm breath on her cheek, growing slower and slower, weaker and weaker, and she tightened her grip on Holtzmann’s hand, as if she could stop her from slipping away by just holding on to her tight enough.

Then the breaths stopped, and Holtzmann’s hand went limp in her hold, and the engineer laid still.

Erin broke then, clutching the lifeless body to her chest as she cried into Holtzmann’s hair; she held her and she cried until someone made her let go, arms wrapping around her in a helpless attempt to give her comfort, she didn’t know if it was Abby or Patty or both, and she couldn’t find it within herself to care.

She had lost her soulmate, she knew Holtzmann had been the one, and now she was gone, and Erin just knew that the wound this had torn into her heart and soul would never mend again.


	9. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of chapter 3, "Delirium" :)

Holtzmann had claimed that she hadn’t been hurt badly when the ghost possessing Erin had used her body to go after her with a screwdriver, and at first, Erin had believed her, had wanted and needed to believe her.

Now, a few days later, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

She’d noticed that Holtzmann was moving with more care than usual, as if she wanted to avoid too much movement of her midsection; the engineer was holding back during busts too, Erin noticed, and there was much less dancing during the days after the incident than there had been before.

All these things were reason enough to make Erin doubt that Holtzmann had been honest when she had claimed it hadn’t been that bad; and yet there was one more thing, one which weighed heavier than all the others, one which convinced Erin that it had been worse than the engineer had claimed.

Holtzmann made sure to keep her shirt on at all times whenever Erin was around, even when they were getting intimate with each other, and that was a clearer sign that it had been worse than the engineer had said than anything else could have been.

So, Erin knew that it had been worse than Holtzmann had claimed, but she didn’t quite know how to bring it up; it had been her body, her hands which had done the deed after all, even if she had been possessed when it had happened, and even though Holtzmann had reassured her countless times that it wasn’t her fault, Erin still blamed herself.

She figured that this was the reason why Holtzmann wouldn’t let her see the wound, wouldn’t even let her see the bandage – if it’d turn out to be worse than the younger woman had said, her guilt would only get bigger, and Holtzmann certainly wanted to avoid that.

This touched Erin, but she knew that sooner or later, she’d end up seeing the wound, no matter how hard Holtzmann would try to keep her from it; and so, after pondering this for a few days and trying to figure out how to bring it up, Erin decided that she had thought about it long enough, and that it was time to let her thoughts turn into actions.

And so, in the evening, when Holtzmann and she were getting ready for bed, Erin stopped the engineer when she wanted to head to the bathroom to change into her pyjama, stopped her by tenderly grasping her wrist, not so firm that Holtzmann couldn’t have walked away anyway, had she wanted to, her tender touch being enough to stop the younger woman dead in her tracks though, a puzzled look following as Holtzmann clearly had no idea what was going on.

“Let me see”, Erin said, with a brief glance at the engineer’s midsection, “you know you can’t keep it hidden forever, and I want to see.”

“Um”, Holtzmann let out in response, clearly not having expected this; almost without realizing she was doing it, her free hand moved to tug her shirt back down, even though it was far from exposing anything, and Erin let out a small sigh, then gave her a pleading look, still holding on to her hand.

“I know you don’t want to show me because you think I’ll end up feeling even more guilty than I already do”, she said, Holtzmann looking a bit sheepish in response, telling Erin that her reasoning had been correct, “and you might be right, but… I still want to see. And like I said, you can’t keep it hidden forever, or do you want to wear shirts around me all the time until we’re old and grey?”

“First, happy to hear you want to be with me until we’re old and grey”, Holtzmann pointed out, making Erin smile a bit, “because I want the same. And, second, well… I guess you got a point. I can’t keep it hidden forever. But before I show you, I want you to remember that it wasn’t you, okay? It was the ghost who did it, not you.”

“I know”, Erin nodded, and part of her knew that this was true; another part though still was sure it was her fault, anyway, but at least, she thought to herself, this part was growing steadily smaller, shrinking faster each time Holtzmann reassured her it hadn’t been here fault.

“Alright”, Holtzmann mumbled after a moment, knowing that Erin was indeed right and that she couldn’t hide it forever, “there we go, then. Remember, not your fault.”

Erin nodded again, and after another moment, Holtzmann pulled off her shirt; the bandage wrapped around her middle looked fresh and new, and Erin found herself wondering when she had changed it, if she had done it on her own or if she had enlisted Abby and Patty for help, only to keep Erin from seeing anything of the injury.

Holtzmann gave her a brief look, then peeled off the bandage; and a moment later, Erin gasped, her eyes going wide as her hand came up to cover her mouth.

The wound was almost healed, almost had become a scar at this point, but Erin could tell how bad it had been; it was big, bigger than she had expected, running from the engineer’s hip across her stomach almost all the way to her navel, the healing tissue a faint pink, in surprisingly stark contrast to the pale skin around it.

“Holtz, that”, she brought out after a few moments, having to swallow heavily before she could continue, “that is… that looks like it was more than a scratch.”

“Eh, it looks bad, but it really wasn’t more than a scratch”, Holtzmann reassured her, “it was long, but not that deep, look, it didn’t even need stitches.”

There was no sign of any stitches, Erin had to admit that this was true; still she made a face as she reached out and carefully ran the tips of her fingers over the scar, glancing up at Holtzmann’s face to make sure she wasn’t hurting her before she looked back at the almost healed wound.

“Again”, Holtzmann distracted her, now making it her turn to grasp Erin’s hand to stop her, “not your fault. Okay? And, um, if you’re as tired as you said, you shouldn’t… do that touch thing again, because while it might be weird, it sort of… had… an effect.”

“Oh?” Erin gave back, raising an eyebrow, apparently not thinking that it was weird in any way – but then, Holtzmann reasoned, they had been together for a while now, so Erin knew that she sometimes could be strange and weird, had known before they had gotten together, “is that so?”

Holtzmann was only holding one of her hands, and so, Erin used her other one to trace the scar again; she felt Holtzmann shudder and smiled at the ragged breath the engineer pulled in – before she reached up to grasp her arm and to pull her down, on top of her, and kissed her deeply, both her tiredness and her guilt forgotten when Holtzmann kissed her back at once and her hands slid up her body, leaving her unable to focus on anything else than her kiss and touch.


	10. Tear-Stained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of angst in this one. And a bit of fluff :D

Holtzmann had tried hard to not listen in when Erin was on the phone, but it was sort of difficult, what with them sharing the lab up on the second floor and the physicist’s desk being not that far from her workbench.

Despite the closeness, she usually didn’t listen in, knowing it was impolite and rude; and usually, Holtzmann wasn’t all too interested in Erin’s phone calls anyway, as she often spoke to the mayor’s office, or to stuffy men from various universities, conversation partners Holtzmann wasn’t all too fond of.

Thus, she normally tuned out whatever Erin was saying, she had gotten quite good at tuning out people when she had been the only girl at MIT and the guys had tended to be loud and obnoxious; on this day though, a single word was enough to make Holtzmann’s attention snap back to Erin, no matter how well she had tuned her out before.

“Mom…”, she heard Erin say, and there was a certain tone to the physicist’s voice, one Holtzmann hadn’t heard in a long time.

It was the same tone she’d had when she just had been fired from Columbia, the resigned and defeated note which had taken over after her anger had puffed away, and it made Holtzmann’s heart clench up to hear her sound like this again.

“Mom, I”, Erin said again as Holtzmann stilled, listening on purpose now; it seemed that her attention had only been caught close to the end of the call, as Erin said nothing else, only sitting in silence for a while, Holtzmann feeling oddly tense as seconds ticked by.

Then, she heard the soft, shuddery breath Erin let out, a somehow watery sound, and from one moment to the next, she had put down her tools and came to her feet, practically marching to where Erin was sitting at her desk, the physicist’s face hidden as she stared down on her cell phone lying on the desk in front of her.

All at once, Holtzmann felt awkward – she could tell Erin felt bad, and was upset, but she wasn’t quite sure what to say, wasn’t even sure Erin wanted her around in this very moment, and the last thing she wanted was to make Erin feel worse.

She wanted to make Erin happy, after all, had wanted to do so ever since the physicist had stormed into their lab back at Higgins, no matter if Erin was aware of this or not.

“Um”, she let out after a moment, if only to let Erin know she was at her desk now, just in case the physicist hadn’t noticed yet, “Erin…? Are you okay?”

Erin looked up at her in response, and Holtzmann just had to take one look at her tear-stained face to know at once that the redhead was very much not okay.

Clearly embarrassed, Erin wiped at her eyes, in a futile attempt to hide her tears; she cleared her throat, then sniffled, and Holtzmann’s heart flew out to her at the sound, the engineer giving her a helpless look as she again had no idea what to say.

So, instead of saying anything, she reached out and placed one hand on the physicist’s shoulder; to her relief, this apparently hadn’t been completely wrong, as Erin managed a weak smile, then sighed, giving her phone an unhappy look, as if the device itself was to blame for what had happened.

“This is so stupid”, Erin mumbled after a few seconds had ticked by in silence, wiping at her eyes again, “I shouldn’t get so worked up this. Crying over this is so stupid, I’m so stupid…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa”, Holtzmann protested, flailing her hands as if to underline her words, Erin looking a bit taken aback at this reaction, “back up. I will not sit here and let you call yourself stupid. You’re brilliant, you’re a genius, and you’re a badass Ghostbuster. Far from stupid.”

“Maybe”, Erin sighed, with another unhappy look at the phone, “but if I’m so badass and smart, tell me why it bothers me so much that my parents just won’t listen? We’ve been on TV and in the papers, for God’s sake, after we’ve saved the world, we’re getting funding from all sorts of places, and all my mom has to say that I should talk to Filmore to get my old job back, and maybe find a nice man to marry at last, because I’m not the youngest anymore and she wants grandkids soon!”

She fell silent as she had realized she was rambling, breathing a bit heavier after this sudden rant; it had come a bit out of nowhere, Erin had to admit, so she shouldn’t be surprised that Holtzmann could only blink, the engineer needing a moment or two to process all the things Erin just had said.

“Okay”, she finally said, raising an eyebrow, “now I know what your mom wants. Is that what you want for your life though?”

“No”, Erin gave back at once, to Holtzmann’s slight relief – she was fairly certain that her crush on the physicist wouldn’t go anywhere, and that her best option would be to get over it, but still it felt good to hear the redhead say that she had no interest in getting married and having kids, “nothing of this is! And I’ve tried to tell her, but I might as well tell a wall, because a wall would listen just as well, if not better. At least the wall wouldn’t keep talking over me.”

“Alright”, Holtzmann said, not quite sure how this could be solved, but eager to help, if only so Erin wouldn’t be sad about her family anymore, “maybe you should… I dunno, send her an e-mail? Or write her a letter?”

“That might work”, Erin nodded after a moment of thinking about it, “and until I find the energy and right mindset to do that, I just won’t take her calls anymore. Hey, think Kevin will get it if I tell him to say I’m not around or free to talk even if he can see that I am?”

“Don’t think so”, Holtzmann replied with a laugh, glad that it made Erin smile a bit, as well; then, the redhead sighed and gave her phone yet another unhappy look, only to go wide-eyed when suddenly, the engineer reached out and snatched it up, with impressive speed.

“Enough of this infernal device for the day”, Holtzmann declared, Erin raising an eyebrow, but not trying to get it back, “and, actually, you know what? Enough of work, too. You need a distraction, get your mind off of all of this, and relax a bit, and I’m here to provide this.”

She wasn’t quite sure why she had said that, it hadn’t been planned, but practically had bubbled out of her, like water from a geyser; and she was halfway sure that Erin would decline, anyway, that she would claim she had too much to do and that she had no time for distractions.

To her astonishment, Erin nodded instead after a moment, and shut down her laptop before she got up from her chair; she let Holtzmann know that she only had to grab her jacket and then would be ready to go, the engineer blinking again for a moment before she grinned brightly, not quite sure where she would take Erin yet, but figuring she could come up with something on short notice.

“Excellent”, she thus said, rubbing her hands gleefully, “we’ll have fun, I promise. And probably some unhealthy food, I hear there’s a fair in town.”

“Sounds good”, Erin nodded, her eyes meeting the engineer’s afterwards as she smiled, a hint of mischief in said smile which made Holtzmann’s heart jump oddly, “it’s a date, then.”

Once again, Holtzmann could only blink; Erin’s smile widened, and she actually winked at the engineer, only stunning her more – before she went to get her jacket, as she had said, Holtzmann remaining where she was, still stumped by what just had happened.

Then, she slowly started to smile to herself, registering fully what just had happened – and perhaps, she dared to think to herself, this crush wasn’t as hopeless as she had thought so far after all.


	11. Adrenaline

“Tell me”, Holtzmann said as she flopped down onto Erin’s desk, making her raise an eyebrow as the engineer planted her butt squarely on some papers she actually needed for her work, “have you ever had a real adrenaline rush?”

“…Holtzmann”, Erin gave back, her second eyebrow moving up to join the first one, “we’re Ghostbusters. We have adrenaline rushes all the time.”

“Nope”, Holtzmann told her, grinning as if she had expected that exact answer, “this is where you’re wrong. We get some adrenaline, true, but not a rush, you would know if you’d had one, trust me. It comes with a bunch of side effects, and is often followed by a feeling similar to a hangover.”

“Pretty sure I had exactly that during Times Square”, Erin said, wondering where this was coming from now, “increased heart rate, decreased ability to feel pain, sharpening mental focus. And once it was over, and I actually was at home and in bed, I felt like I had a hangover, and I felt all the little pains and ouches I got during that fight.”

“Oh”, Holtzmann let out, apparently not having expected this, “um… Yeah. Guess you did have one, then. Huh.”

“Why did you want to know?” Erin asked, suddenly quite certain that there was some sort of deeper reason for why Holtzmann had asked this out of the blue; and this conviction only got stronger when the engineer suddenly found it hard to meet her eyes, her hand coming up to tuck at her ear, a clear sign that she was uncomfortable.

“Well”, she mumbled after a moment, “I’ve asked Abby and Patty too, and they said what you said.”

“Okay”, Erin gave back, reaching out now to place her hand on Holtzmann’s free one, knowing that sometimes, the younger woman needed a bit of coaxing to say what was bothering her, “and I can tell that this is making you uncomfortable. Do you want to tell me why?"

“Um”, Holtzmann let out, tucking at her ear again – before she sighed heavily, her gaze coming up to meet Erin’s again, the sudden dismay in her eyes making Erin’s heart clench up, “well… The three of you, you’ve all had… one. I haven’t.”

Erin blinked, not quite sure what to make of this; Holtzmann sighed, her gaze dropping down to her feet again, her hand moving to play with her pendant now, another clear sign that she was uncomfortable, Erin being able to read her quite well at this point.

“I mean”, the engineer went on after a moment, just as Erin had known she would, “yeah, I get excited when we bust a ghost, and I was excited during Times Square, I think you could tell, when I used my twin babies. But… I’ve never had what Abby, Patty and you described.”

“That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you”, Erin reassured her, able to pinpoint now why exactly this was bothering Holtzmann, the engineer giving her a doubtful look in reply, “just that you react differently to danger and excitement. Not everyone is the same about this, you know.”

Holtzmann still looked doubtful, and it made Erin’s heart hurt; not quite sure what else to say though, she squeezed her hand instead of talking, the possibly right words coming to her a moment later though, a smile curling her lips as she spoke on.

“You know, that might be a good thing”, she let Holtzmann know, earning another doubtful look, “because for many people, it triggers fight or flight, and none of us can guarantee that we won’t go into flight mode one time. So if you’re there, and remain calm, albeit excited, it’ll be calming for us, too, and it will help to keep us grounded.”

This seemed to have helped, as Holtzmann brightened up visibly and smiled, clearly liking the thought – before she suddenly cackled, Erin raising an eyebrow again, not quite sure where this was coming from now, Holtzmann answering her unasked question though before she had to say it out loud.

“You know, Hot Stuff”, she stated, Erin as always blushing at the pet name, but glad that Holtzmann had used it, as it was a clear sign for the engineer feeling better again, “it really says something when _I’m_ the one keeping people calm and grounded.”

Erin had to laugh as well at this, and nodded; Holtzmann grinned at her and squeezed her hand, in quiet gratitude for her help – before she hopped off her desk and went back to work, Erin watching her go with a small smile on her face.

It truly might say something if Holtzmann was the one to keep people grounded, she thought to herself, with the engineer being the mad scientist she was… but she was _her _mad scientist, and that was all that mattered.


	12. Asphyxiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October is technically over, but I don't really care. XD

Erin couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream, couldn’t even move; the ghost had her wrapped up completely in some sort of slimy cocoon, it had gotten her alone and then had captured her like this, and now she couldn’t breathe.

The slime was all around her, making it not only impossible to breathe, but to move, as well; no matter how hard she strained against it, it only seemed to hold her tighter, she didn’t know how this could be possible, but it was happening, and the others had no idea that this was happening to her.

She wanted to cry out, but didn’t dare opening her mouth; some slime had gotten in already, and it was clogging her nose, and her heart was racing and she couldn’t move and she still couldn’t _breathe_, and her lungs were starting to burn, darkness beginning to dot her vision, a sign for oncoming unconsciousness.

She heard the ghost laugh again, and desperately tried to move again, to break free; she could feel herself weakening though, and the black dots were growing bigger, and Erin knew this was a bad sign,

She wished she’d been brave enough to ask Holtzmann out before this bust, she had been gathering her courage for so long, and now it might be too late, now she might die and the engineer would never know that Erin returned the feelings she so obviously had for her.

_Holtz, I’m sorry, _she deliriously thought to herself as the black dots connected and became large splotches, blocking out most of her vision, _I should have said something, I’m sorry…_

The darkness took over, and swallowed her up, and her last thought before she was gone was of Holtzmann.

* * *

As she threw the grenade, Holtzmann was very happy that she had reworked it, so that it truly only was dangerous to ghosts anymore, the way it had been supposed to be in the first place, when she had built the first prototype.

Somehow, despite how close she was to panicking, she managed to throw it just right; it landed beneath the ghost, and there was an oddly _thump_ sound as it detonated, and the ghost was gone, slime raining down all around her.

Erin fell to the floor in a limp heap, now that the ghost wasn’t holding her up anymore; she didn’t move, just laid there, and Holtzmann’s fear only grew as she ran to the physicist’s side, her heart skipping a painful beat when she realized Erin wasn’t breathing.

_No time for panic now, _she strictly told herself, pulling in a deep breath to steady herself; she had to do CPR, she told herself, there was no time to waste, she had no idea how long Erin already had been trapped like this when she had happened to find her.

Quickly, she removed Erin’s pack, almost tearing the straps in her hurry to get it off of the redhead; she tossed it aside almost carelessly, then ripped her jumpsuit open, making sure she’d be able to get air and nothing would constrict her throat or chest.

Now she was glad that Dr Gorin had realized how accident-prone Holtzmann could be quickly, back when she had been mentoring her at MIT, and had made her take a first aid course; it had been a while since then, but Holtzmann remembered enough to know how to do this, focusing fully on Erin and on bringing her back, forgetting everything else around her.

She started with chest compressions, as she had been taught, then moved up to breathe into Erin’s mouth, breathe for her; soon, her arms started to burn, but she didn’t allow herself to tire, telling herself she had to do this, that she couldn’t give up until Erin was breathing again.

“Come on”, she mumbled, feeling sweat trickle down her cheeks as she kept up the chest compressions, “come on Erin, don’t do that to me. To us. Come back…”

She had to fight rising panic again when there was not the slightest reaction from the physicist, but told herself that there was no time for this now, that she could panic all she wanted once Erin had come back; and just when she moved to breathe for her again, the redhead suddenly did so on her own, pulling in a harsh, pained gasp, Holtzmann recoiling at the sudden change.

“Erin!” she practically yelped, recovering from her surprise quickly and grabbing Erin’s shoulders, eager to make the physicist realize she was there, and to keep her from slipping back into unconsciousness, “Erin, thank goodness, you’re back, look at me, please? Come on? It’s me, Holtz, it’s okay, the ghost has been taken care of, you’ll be fine…”

Erin let out an odd retching noise in response, and thankfully, Holtzmann still remembered enough of her first aid lessons to know what this meant; and so, she reacted quickly, moving her hands on the redhead so that she could turn her on her side, and did so just in time too as Erin threw up a second later.

“There, there”, Holtzmann said, probably not the best thing to say, but she found herself unable to think of anything else; she rubbed Erin’s back as the redhead threw up again, making sure yet again Erin knew she was there.

“I’ll radio Abby and Patty, alright”, she said, earning a vaguely agreeing noise from the physicist, another good sign, “and let them know we need an ambulance, we need to get you checked. But you’ll be fine, I promise you’ll be fine.”

“Unf”, Erin let out, rolling onto her back again; she looked a bit dazed, and her throat and her chest hurt, but she was aware enough to realize that Holtzmann was there with her, was talking to her, and had probably been the one who had saved her life, with Abby and Patty nowhere in sight.

As if to confirm this, Holtzmann radioed Abby and Patty, telling them that Erin was down and that they needed an ambulance, not giving them any details though; they both knew better than to question her on the radio, just letting her know they would do it right away.

“Thanks”, Holtzmann said, thankfully remembering to tell them where Erin and she were before she cut the connection; grasping Erin’s hand again, not wanting her to fall unconscious once more, she made herself smile at the redhead, despite how worried and scared she still was, after how close they had come to losing Erin.

“Ambulance is on the way”, she said, pushing those dark thoughts aside so Erin wouldn’t notice how worried she actually was, “you’ll be fine, alright?”

“Go out with me”, Erin said in response, her voice barely above a whisper; Holtzmann could only blink, not having expected her to say that the slightest, astonished when the physicist smiled a bit, and even managed to squeeze her hand, showing that she was recovering faster than Holtzmann had dared to hope.

“Go out with me”, she repeated, “after this.”

“Um”, Holtzmann let out, still a bit lost, “maybe we should talk about this when you feel better. You might not know what you’re saying… right now…”

“I do know”, Erin mumbled, squeezing her hand again, the awareness in her gaze showing Holtzmann that this was true, “and I want this. You. Please. Go out with me.”

“Okay”, Holtzmann agreed, still not sure if this truly was a good idea, but on the other hand, she had been wanting this for so long, she just couldn’t decline, “if you still want to once you feel better, I’d love to go out with you.”

“Will want to”, Erin mumbled, then let out a small sigh and relaxed visibly; Holtzmann managed a smile of her own, and kept holding on to her hand, until the ambulance arrived and she had to let go, quietly hoping that Erin truly had meant it and that she’d still want to go out with her once she’d feel better.


	13. Secret Injury

It was fascinating, Holtzmann thought to herself during every single bust, how different Erin was the moment she started wielding a proton wand, compared to how she acted whenever they weren’t out and about busting a ghost.

When they were at the firehouse, at their offices, Erin was the quietest of the four of them; she was coming out of her shell more, especially since Holtzmann and she had started dating, but she would never be as outgoing as Patty, or as eccentric as her girlfriend.

And that was fine, she knew, Holtzmann loved her just the way she was, and Abby and Patty liked her just the way she was; and quiet and holding back was how she was, when they were at the firehouse.

During busts though, she was very different, and Holtzmann found herself fascinated by this again and again, no matter how often she witnessed it.

Busting brought out a completely different side of Erin, one she had kept carefully hidden before the Ghostbusters; she was fierce when they were after a ghost, a bit reckless, even, chasing the apparitions without regard for her own safety, something which simultaneously turned Holtzmann on and made her worry, an odd mixture of emotions.

While Holtzmann found it both worrisome and admirable, Abby only felt concern; and thus, she was the one who often told Erin that she had to be less reckless, that she should take care, and that it would help no one if she’d get hurt during a bust.

“I know, I know”, Erin sighed as Abby told her this once again, after yet another bust during which she had been quite reckless, “but I can’t help it, it just happens! When we bust ghosts, I just get this feeling that nothing can stop me, and it just takes over, and then I’m all reckless. I’m sorry.”

“I think that is called an adrenaline rush”, Holtzmann pondered out loud, shrugging at the look Abby shot her as she wasn’t exactly helping; then, Abby let out a small sigh and nodded, feeling bad at how guilty Erin looked, but not willing to drop the topic for now, either.

“I get that”, she said, “I feel the same, and I bet Patty and Holtz do, too. But you still gotta be a bit more careful, Erin, we don’t want you to get hurt. You’re more reckless than Holtz, and that says something!”

“On busts, at least”, Holtzmann quickly corrected, earning another _look_ from Abby as this yet again wasn’t helpful, “no one’s as reckless as me when we’re not on a bust.”

“And that is not a good thing”, Abby empathically said, “so both of you should be more careful! You all the time, Holtz, and you, Erin, during busts.”

“I’ll try”, Erin said, shrugging when now, it was her turn to receive a look from Abby, “what? That’s the best I can promise. I told you, I can’t really help it, it just happens.”

Abby just sighed, to Erin’s relief dropping the topic, at least for now; she figured it would come up again once she’d act reckless again, but she had meant it when she had said she couldn’t help herself, and she was glad that Holtzmann seemed to understand this, the engineer grinning at her once Abby was out of earshot.

“You know”, she then said, making Erin smile with her next words, “I feel kinda bad about that, but it is somewhat nice that for once, it wasn’t me who was getting the _be less reckless_ lecture from Abby.”

“We both know she means well”, Erin pointed out, making the engineer nod at once, “and it’s not like she’s wrong, I mean, I know I tend to be a bit too reckless during busts. And I’ve told you that dancing with blowtorches isn’t exactly the safest thing one can do, either. We both should try a bit harder.”

“Possibly”, Holtzmann had to agree, “but you know, I’m kinda like you, I just can’t help it. It’s part of my personality package.”

“And I adore the whole package”, Erin smiled, pulling her in for a brief kiss afterwards; she could feel Holtzmann smile into said kiss, and even though they had been dating for a while at this point, kissing the engineer still made her heart jump, and she found herself wondering if this ever would stop, hoping it wouldn’t, enjoying how good this was making her feel.

* * *

Erin honestly had been trying to be less reckless when they went for their next bust, and for a while, she even managed to do so; then, the adrenaline rush took over again though, and Abby was dismayed to see herself throw into combat again, with not much regard for personal safety.

It was fascinating, the researcher thought to herself, how someone who was as safety-conscious as Erin when it came to work at the lab could at the same time be so reckless during busting ghosts; and this time, it didn’t work out in Erin’s favour, one of the ghosts managing to get the jump on her, grabbing her and throwing her across the room, until the wall stopped her harshly.

She slumped down, dazed, hearing Holtzmann call out her name in fear; not wanting the engineer to end up distracted, and risk her own health as well, Erin forced herself to ignore the pain and the dizziness, coming to her feet again as quickly as she could, and calling out that she was okay.

Holtzmann still looked worried, but didn’t blindly rush to her side, and that was all Erin had wanted; she brought up her proton wand, and took aim, prompting Holtzmann to do the same, the ghost which had attacked Erin howling in rage when proton streams wrapped around it.

Quickly, Abby and Patty aimed for the same ghost, adding their streams to the two already holding it; Holtzmann threw the trap beneath it, once more demonstrating her impressive skill when it came to aiming it just right for that, then stepped down onto the pedal to open it, grinning in triumph when immediately, the ghost was sucked inside.

“Yes”, Holtzmann cheered, momentarily forgetting her worries about Erin as she got her own adrenaline rush, as she always did when they captured a ghost, “one down, two to go.”

She pumped her fist, then the concern was back, and with no immediate danger, she now had time to rush over to Erin after all; the physicist looked a bit pale, but smiled at her as she stopped in front of her and gave her a critical look, trying to figure out if she had been hurt.

“I’m fine”, Erin reassured her before she could ask, “startled me more than anything else. A few bruises, tops.”

“I’ll take care of those later on”, Holtzmann solemnly promised her, making her smile a bit, “with the special Holtzmann ointment for bruises and ouchies. What was that talk earlier about being less reckless?”

She reached out and touched Erin’s hand, and the physicist blushed a bit in response, then cleared her throat and shrugged; Holtzmann managed to look strict for about a second, then she smiled again, just glad that Erin was okay, despite how painful it had looked when she had hit that wall.

“I’m glad you’re okay”, she thus said, instead of reprimanding Erin about being reckless again; Erin gave her another smile and a nod, then pointed out that two ghosts were still on the loose somewhere in the building and so, they’d better go and do their job.

Holtzmann nodded, and they got moving; Abby still took a moment to let Erin know she’d get a lecture later, the redhead having the grace to look guilty in response – before they all pushed these thoughts aside and focused on the job at hand, eager to take care of the remaining duo of ghosts and add another successful bust to their ever-growing tally.

* * *

“Aaaand there goes the last one”, Holtzmann declared as the ghost vanished into the trap and it snapped the shut; they had found the other ghost first, and had ended up destroying it when Holtzmann had gotten a bit too trigger happy, but they did have two of them captured, to the delight of Abby, as it meant two more specimens for the containment unit they could study.

“Good job, guys”, she thus said, rubbing her hands in glee after holstering her proton wand, “I don’t think we got a Class III in the unit yet, so I’m really glad we got one.”

She raised her hand for a high-five, and Holtzmann was happy to give her one; and just when their hands met with an audible clapping sound, Erin went down next to her, soundlessly and without any preamble, standing in one second and sinking to the floor in the next.

It happened so fast and so unexpectedly that Holtzmann couldn’t even try to catch her; for a few heartbeats, they all just stood and stared, shocked in silence – before the engineer snapped out of it, crying out “Erin!” as she knelt down next to her.

Erin had ended up on her stomach, and when Holtzmann tried to take hold of her to turn her over, she immediately felt the stickiness of the jumpsuit beneath her fingers, and her heart skipped a painful beat as she belatedly realized that for once, Erin hadn’t gotten slimed during the bust, that this wasn’t caused by slime.

“…we have to get her pack off”, she brought out, telling herself that now was not the time to freak out, that she had to keep a cool head, for Erin’s sake, “she’s hurt, there’s, there’s blood on her jumpsuit, I can feel it.”

Abby looked startled again, but didn’t waste time questioning Holtzmann; she simply moved to help her get the pack off of Erin while Patty ran out of the building to call an ambulance, knowing that, even if Erin wasn’t badly hurt, she’d still need to be checked out, if only because she had fainted out of nowhere.

Abby and Holtzmann got the pack off, and Holtzmann froze at the shockingly large bloodstain the pack had kept hidden so far; it spread from Erin’s shoulder all the way to her lower back, the jumpsuit torn at her shoulder, exposing the deep looking injury beneath, showing where the blood had come from.

“Oh God”, Abby brought out, shocked, unable to take her eyes off the wound, “when did… when the ghost threw her? How did she keep this from us for so long?!”

Holtzmann could only shrug, still rational enough though to rip the sleeve off her own jumpsuit and press it down onto the wound; she wasn’t actually sure it was still bleeding, but she felt like she had to do _something_, and this was better than nothing, this would keep her from panicking while they’d wait for the ambulance to arrive.

She asked herself how she couldn’t have seen it, could have missed it, and why Erin had kept it from all of them, but knew she wouldn’t get any answers until the physicist would come back around again.

* * *

Erin opened her eyes and immediately regretted that she hadn’t told anyone she’d been hurt, because one look at the white ceiling above her was enough to tell her that she was in a hospital room, and that was the last place she wanted to be in.

She closed her eyes again as she tried to remember what had happened; she had been thrown against the wall, she remembered that, and somehow, she had torn open her shoulder when that had happened, and she had felt it bleed, but had been sure it wasn’t that bad, and so, she hadn’t said anything.

It had kept hurting though, and she had felt blood trickle down her back for quite a while; but still she had kept quiet about it, figuring it could wait until they were back at the firehouse.

They had trapped the third and final ghost, she also remembered, and then, there was unsettling black hole in her memory, until she had opened her eyes again, here in this hospital room.

Apparently, she had to admit herself, the wound had been worse than she had initially thought; before she could try to focus on it though, and perhaps figure out how bad it really was, she heard the door open, and opened her eyes again in response, her gaze meeting Holtzmann’s, the engineer for a moment looking surprised, then happy as she belatedly realized that Erin was awake.

“Hey”, she said, smiling at the redhead as she walked over to sit next to her bed, “look at you, I leave for five minutes to get something to drink and you wake up just then. How are you feeling?”

“Better than I should, probably”, Erin gave back, only now realizing that, while she felt drained and tired, she wasn’t actually in pain, “did they pump me full with painkillers?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann confirmed at once, “you got the quite the ouchie when you hit that wall, you know. And I’m really glad you’re not in pain… cause now I can scold you!”

Erin had been smiling during the first part, but her face fell at the second – before she pouted adorably and gave Holtzmann the cutest set of puppy dog eyes she managed, the engineer appearing unperturbed though, giving her a strict look in response.

“Nope, that won’t save you this time, young lady”, she then said, skilfully ignoring it when Erin pointed out that she was older than her, “what were you thinking? I was so worried when you just went down!”

“I’m sorry”, Erin gave back, feeling guilty as she realized fully that Holtzmann had been truly upset, probably still was a bit, “I didn’t think it’d be so bad. It didn’t feel that bad when it happened you know, I mean, it hurt, but…”

“Adrenaline rush”, Holtzmann pointed out, shaking her head for emphasis, “of course it didn’t that much, you probably were high on it until it wore off, and then you went down. Seriously, for a moment, I thought I’d end up right next to know on the floor, I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry”, Erin mumbled once more, the dejected tone of her voice finally prompting Holtzmann to lose her strict expression, “I swear, if I had known it would make me faint, I would have said something. I really thought it wasn’t bad.”

Holtzmann let out a sigh, not capable of staying upset at her any longer – especially not since she herself was also prone to downplaying any injuries she got, no matter if during a bust or during work at the lab – then made Erin smile a bit shyly by reaching out and grasping her hand; her expression softened even further at that smile, and she squeezed the redhead’s hand tenderly.

“I’m just glad you’re okay”, she said, “and that’s not as bad as we thought at first, when you fainted. Doctor said you can probably go home tomorrow, it’s a flesh wound, and I can’t believe I’m saying this line and we’re not in some cheap action movie.”

Erin giggled at this, happy that Holtzmann wasn’t upset with her anymore… only for her giggle to die on her lips when the door opened again and Abby marched in.

Erin knew Abby well after all, and just had to take one look at her face to know that her best friend was _really _mad at her, a hundred times worse than Holtzmann had been.

“Abby”, she had time to say, then Abby pointed her finger at her and shook her head, prompting her to fall silent at once, the researcher huffing as she crossed her arms over chest.

“Tell me”, she then said, her icy tone making Erin wince, “how did any of what you pulled today qualify as _being more careful_?”

“Not at all”, Erin mumbled, fighting the urge to shrink into the bed at the look Abby shot her in response.

“You know were lucky, right”, she then said, giving the physicist another glare, “the doctor said so, too. You didn’t break anything, and didn’t actually hurt anything important. And you should be glad, cause if you had gotten hurt worse, or even would have died, I would have killed you.”

For a moment, Erin considered pointing out that this made no sense, then decided against it as she realized this would only make Abby angrier; and so, she just tried to look apologetic, wincing when Abby gave her another hard look, knowing this expression on her best friend’s face all too well.

“I’m sorry”, she said yet again, glad when Abby’s hard expression softened a bit, “really, I am. I told Holtzmann, I didn’t think it was that bad…”

“Alright, I forgive you”, Abby declared in response, surprising Erin as this had happened a bit faster than she had expected, having been sure Abby would remain mad at her for a while longer, “this time. But if you ever pull something like that again, I won’t talk to you for a month, I swear.”

“I won’t do that ever again, I promise”, Erin hurriedly said, earning a satisfied look from Abby, “next time I get hurt during a bust, I’ll tell you guys at once.”

This made Abby frown again, but they all knew that they had a dangerous job, and so, she just nodded; and just then, the door to Erin’s room opened again and Patty poked her head in, looking relieved when it didn’t appear as if Abby and Erin were having a fight about what had happened.

“You guys good again?” she asked as she stepped into the room, making them all nod – before Erin gave her a pitiful look, prompting Holtzmann to let out a little “aww” sound, Erin keeping her focus on Patty though despite the adorable noises from her girlfriend.

“Don’t scold me too, please”, she said, momentarily considering the pout again, then deciding against it as she knew that only Holtzmann was truly receptive to it, “Holtz and Abby already did. I learned my lesson.”

“I’d like to believe that, but somehow, I doubt it”, Patty dryly gave back, Erin having the grace to blush a bit; apparently though, this was all the historian had to say about that certain topic, as she didn’t add a third scolding to the ones Erin already had received, to the physicist’s relief.

“At least next time she gets hurt, she’ll say something”, Abby said with a small sigh, Erin quickly nodding; Abby rolled her eyes, then smiled though to show it all was forgiven, and as Erin smiled back at her and felt Holtzmann take tender hold of her hand again, everything was okay, her pain forgotten at the comforting presence of the people she loved more than anything in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the final one. For now at least, who knows XD


End file.
